Author's notes
1) I would like the reader to be entertained, i wasn't trying to prove any points or themes.
2) It was easy to write the beginning, i think the story over all would be better with more detail.
3) It was harder to write to conclusion because its a short story and i wanted to add more detail.
4) Suggestions would be helpful and beneficial, there is nothing i wish to change or edit right now, and there is nothing particularly i would like classmates to comment on.
Katniss from Catching Fire
Jason from The Lost Hero
It was a warm saturday early morning. it was probably about 3 am. Jason brushed his eyes to attempt to clear the blurriness, but it just stayed. he was surprised with how humid it was for being so early. the wind was blowing.. he was outdoor. he had no idea where he was due to the blurriness of his vision. he tried to remember what had happened before but he just got a headache. for some reason he knew that this had happened before, and that he had to wait a while to remember everything again. his vision finally cleared up, and there he saw a girl. just standing there back towards him. he asked, “hello?, Who are you?”. she turned around and said, “oh! you’re finally awake! Jason right”? he stared confused. “how do you know my name?” she pulled out a shiny device with his picture. but then his attention faded from that to the metal capsule behind her. “im katniss” she said, “i tried to bring me and my family back in time to escape all of the chaos back in my time, i found this time machine in one of the capitals warehouses. so i thought, hell, why not try it out. but it turned out we didn't have enough power for it and only i got transported.” “but according to my identifier you’re a legend, son of Zeus, somebody who's not supposed to exist.”. “I'm sorry” Jason said, “this isn't the first time this has happened to me, but i really can't remember much about myself.” just then something crashed above from the ground, it was a dog sized scorpion, katniss quickly turned and shot it with the futuristic bow that was on her back. Jason just looked at her wide eyed, then he said “i need your help, and then i can help you, if you help me survive from the creatures like that until i can recover my memory, i should be able to help you find a power source for your machine. katniss was about to say something but another creature crashed up. after katniss shot it she asked “why are these things attacking you?” Jason replied “well its not like i can really remember.” katniss just nodded in agreement. then she said “well, if it means a chance of getting back to my family i could protect you until you recover your memory” Jason nodded and said “its a deal then, it should only take about a day to recover it fully, it will be back by tonight, because its coming back pretty quickly, i can already remember some things about where i lived.. camp half blood”. katniss just stood guard around jason. then jason finally realized where he was, he was at the bottom of the grand canyon. then a giant scorpion jumped out off the wall of the canyon, it took katniss about three arrows to take down this one, although, she was a very good shot. Jason suddenly got a surge of about half of his fully memory when he thought about the canyon. he remembered that he had a sword disguised as a pen that he could use to defend himself and that he could summon lightning. he just looked at katniss and then said, “katniss, some of my memories have come back! enough so i know how to defend myself against these creatures until i recover the rest. and i now know how i am going to power your machine” he said. “how?” asked katniss. Jason smiled and said “well, i am the son of Zeus after all, i have the ability to summon lightning.” “thank you for helping me katniss” he said, “if i ever lose my memory again i hope i'll remember you”. katniss was going to say something but then he unexpectedly summoned summoned a lightning bolt onto the rods of the time machine. it instantly powered up. Jason went to a knee tired from using his powers so much. katniss thanked him, and just like that, she was in the time machine and gone. there stood Jason with the sword in one hand just waiting to fight anything that came at him, he was determined,and he knew, he could conquer anything.
:3
ReplyDeleteI liked how dramatic the ending was, it was well thought it was well thought out and exciting.."there stood Jason with the sword in one hand just waiting to fight anything that came at him, he was determined,and he knew, he could conquer anything." This is a good expression of what Jason is feeling and a great way to end the story.The fact that Katniss and Jason would help each other out is very human and relatable.I think you should pace your events more as the story had a lot of info in a short time.
ReplyDeleteMy personal reaction to this story was that it is really well written. The best part of the setting I find is the ending, it had so much action to it. The conversation between the two characters made much sense! I could fully understand the conversations they had. I could find anything wrong with the story distracting me from reading it except for the color of the words on the background. Good job Austin c: .
ReplyDeleteHi Austin! You used a great technique for getting your readers involved in the story. Having the reader learn along with the your main character really helped in terms of back story and moving the story along quickly. You said in your author’s notes that you wanted your readers to be entertained and I think that the amount of action you included definitely served your purpose. While I was reading I couldn’t wait to see what would happen next. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
ReplyDeletethis story was entertaining but I agree with you on the difficult ending so the over all thought.
ReplyDelete1) yes I was entertained. so good job on that.
2)I can see that the beginning was where you story was strongest.
3) you managed to give a deserving ending to this. but may I suggest that you write the ending second then the rest. just a thought.
4) no suggestions on this but for future stories just so you don't get confused write the beginning then the end then the middle to get from point A to point B.